Of Monsters and Men
by Peachdreamsandperseus
Summary: Despite his conscription into the army, Tom and Sybil's romance continues to blossom through a series of letters sent between Downton and the war torn fields of France. When she doesn't hear from him for months, Sybil begins to worry but an unnamed and horrifically wounded soldier convalescing at the Abbey might just have the answers to all her questions. Series 2 AU.


_**This was a prompt for a fic war on Tumblr from kinghanalister:**_

_**"Branson doesn't have a heart murmur and goes to war. Sybil and Branson exchanged a few letters, but for a couple months Sybil doesn't hear from Tom. Tom ends up in Downton being a patient for the convalescent home. But what are his injuries?"**_

_**Obviously, there's so much potential for backstory as to how Tom became a Lieutenant (cut a long story short, he was nominated for officer training after showing exemplary leadership skills and courage) and what happens to him in Sidcup with Major Gillies. Enjoy this for now though - and I can't be held responsible for your feels.**_

* * *

Having been seconded to the hospital in York for the past week, Sybil finally returns to Downton travel-weary but ready to resume her duties at the Abbey and the much quieter village hospital. It had been nice to find herself back on the front line of nursing for a change, seeing to the worst of the wounded men as they came in fresh from the fields of France and Belgium but, truth be told, she had forgotten how draining it could be - both emotionally and physically - and she was happy to be back at the convalescent home where everything was somewhat much more tranquil and calm.

As Pratt retrieves her bags from the motor, she smiles at one of the senior nurses, Sister Jenkins, who just happens to be passing by with an armful of blankets. When Sybil offers her a hand, the older woman wastes no time in filling her in on everything that she's missed.

"There's one in particular I'm worried about though, a Lieutenant," says Sister Jenkins. "He doesn't move from the library... just sits and stares out of the window with an unread book in his lap. It's as though he's waiting for something."

"What's his name?" Sybil asks - she has something of a reputation among the men for her compassion and her good heart. She'll sit and listen to them for hours as they unburden their woes onto her - she doesn't mind in the slightest, not if it means that she can avoid another incident like that one involving Edward all those months ago now. Perhaps she can get through to this troubled soul too.

Sister Jenkins shakes her head. "Nobody knows," she says. "There was no identification on him when they brought him back."

"Well has nobody thought to ask him?"

"That's just the thing... he can't say."

"Is he a spy do you think?"

Sister Jenkins chuckles. "No, my dear, he's not a spy... I mean he literally can't say. Gillies wants him down in Sidcup, apparently, though why they brought him here first is anyone's guess."

Sybil's lips form a perfect "O" as she realises what the Sister means and her stomach plummets a little - she's been following news of the work of Major Harold Gillies very closely and with great interest recently and she knows just what that means for Downton's unnamed soldier. "How bad is it?"

"It's hard to say," replies Jenkins. "Though his dressings will need changing. If your that curious then perhaps you should see for yourself."

_**-xxx-**_

Having changed back into her uniform and had a quick bite to eat, Sybil carries her supplies into the library in search of her patient. It's a beautifully sunny day and most of the officers are outside making the most of the unseasonably pleasant weather...

Not him though.

Sure enough, there he is, sitting there by the window with his back to her just as Sister Jenkins said he would be.  
"Hello?" she says softly, taking a few tentative steps towards him when he doesn't reply and being careful not to startle him incase he's sleeping. She sees the bandages first - one wrapped around his right arm and wrist, and then the ones on his face which leaves not a single bit of flesh exposed. "Lieutenant? My name's Sybil... Nurse Crawley... I'm here to change your bandages."

He turns his head away at the sound of her voice and she pulls up a chair beside him. Reaching forward, she undoes the safety pin holding his bandages together just below his right ear and begins to unravel them. "I need you to look at me, sir," she says. "Lieutenant?" When he still doesn't respond, she gently places a hand underneath his jaw, unsure of just where his injuries are. He grabs hold of her wrist to stop her but it's too late as she's already had the chance to look into his eyes.  
She'd know those eyes anywhere - those beautiful blue eyes that had once made her catch her breath and her heart skip a beat each and everytime she looked into them. Only know they're glassy and filled with sadness and despair.

"Good God," she gasps. "Tom?"

He closes his eyes then and a single tear trickles down onto the bandages and it makes Sybil's heart break. "Hush now," she says, taking the hand that had grabbed her wrist in both of hers and holding it close to her chest, "It's alright... I'm here. You're going to be alright."  
He shakes his head then, wincing at the pain this causes - even the slightest of movements is agonising these days. He pulls his hand free from her grasp and, instead of pulling away like Sybil thinks hes going to, he moves to rest his palm just above her breast, feeling her heat beating in her chest - it's faint, but he can definitely see it and it's all he needs to know that she is actually real, that she is actually here and not just his mind playing tricks on him again. She is the light in the darkness and brings a touch of heaven to this hell that he's been living in.

"Please," she begs. "Let me see."

He sighs wearily and looks deep into her eyes once more - they've learnt to communicate through so many stolen glances these past few years and she knows that this is his way of giving her permission. With a trembling hand, Sybil removes his bandages, her nose now accustomed to the smells of antiseptic and infection and it's only when the padding over his wound to stop the bleeding falls into his lap that she realises just how bad a state he's in. She gasps and turns away, clasping a hand over her mouth as she takes deep breaths to try and compose herself - so much for professionalism and emotional detachment.  
But how can she remain unaffected when the man she loves with all her heart is broken almost beyond repair?

She finally musters the courage to have a look at his wound - it's bad, but nowhere near as bad as she'd first thought it to be. Most of his jaw was gone on the left side, taking half of his cheek with it. She peers into the bloody, roughly sutured cavity and sees his tongue lolling idly to one side, his epiglottis dangling there and several of his teeth are missing with a couple of them cracked. The doctors have done the best that they can for now, but there's still so much work to be done. She understands now why they've sent him to convalesce - if Gillies wants him, then he's going to have to need all his strength to face what will undoubtedly some of the most traumatic months of his life. The reconstructive procedures are invasive and numerous and there's a very fine line between life and death.

Sybil works in silence, redressing his jaw in a way that only covers the injured part of his face. She wonders who it was that had dressed it in the first place - had he scared them so much that they felt the need to hide him away completely? At least this way, he looks much more human and approachable, not to mention the fact that it's probably eased some of his discomfort.

"Better?" she asks, tossing the bloodied bandages into the bowl of antiseptic. When she sees how much of a gargantuan effort it is for him just to nod, Sybil is struck with an idea and crosses the room towards her father's bureau, rummaging around for a moment before returning with a pen and a piece of paper which she hands to Tom.

"Just because you can't talk doesn't mean you have to hide away what's on your mind," she says, dropping down to her knees on the floor beside him and resting her hand on his knee. "We used to write to each other all the time, even when you were just down in the garage where I could see you every day."  
It takes him longer than usual and his writing is somewhat shaky what with his wounded hand but he gets there in the end.

_**DO YOU LOVE ME?**_

Sybil nods. "Yes... with everything I am," she whispers. "And I think that I always have, but it's taken almost losing you to make me realise it... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

_**EVEN NOW? EVEN AFTER YOU'VE SEEN MY FACE?**_

"Even now," she replies, tears stinging at her eyes as she finally speaks the words she's been wishing to say for so very long now.

_**YOU'VE A KIND HEART, SYBIL... BUT NOT EVEN YOU COULD LOVE A MONSTER.**_

She kneels up and runs her fingers through the hair that isn't covered up by bandages, almost forcing him to look at her again. "You're not a monster, don't ever say that," she tells him sternly, glancing down to watch him write again.

_**BUT LOOK AT ME.**_

"I **am** looking," she says through gritted teeth and it's no use even trying to fight her tears anymore. "And yes, you may be missing half of your face, but you're still more of a man than anyone I have ever met, Tom Branson and I love you. I love you because you're kind and funny, you make me smile whenever I see you and you actually listen to the things I have to say. You value me as a human being instead of just another chattle to be traded for money and titles. You're not a monster... you're beautiful... inside and out."  
He's crying now too and he takes her face in both of his hands and brushes away her tears with his thumbs. For the first time, he's glad that he can't speak because there just aren't the words in either English or Irish that could even begin to convey just how much she means to him. Dropping his right hand from her cheek and scribbles down one more note - it's a question that he's asked her before, just quite so explicitly:

_**MARRY ME?**_

"Yes," she sobs. "With all my heart, yes." She leans closer to him then and kisses his cheek, knowing that he'll feel it there. Whatever challenges lie ahead, they'll face them together - there's a very good chance that Tom will never be able to say his wedding vows to her, but the one thing that's certain is that Sybil will shout hers from the rooftops if she has to.


End file.
